Believing children want to communicate with you, listening to children, discussing with your children what you want them to do, being very clear about what you want them to do, setting clear limits and boundaries, being firm and consistent, giving the same message every time, viewing disagreements between parents and children as opportunities to develop problem-solving and negotiation skills
Everyone accepts that children must learn right from wrong and develop the ability to get on with others. However, it is important to remember that you do not have a right to physically punish your child and you should, therefore, consider other methods such as positive parenting, though positive parenting is lot tougher to maintain than punishment type parenting. Positive parenting simply means modeling your child in the right path, approaching in a positive way that withstands any temptation. Learning to act positively to your child is crucial. Positive parenting is raising a child, who knows and wants to behave. As parents, you are the child’s most influencial and inspriring role model in your child’s life. So your positive attention towards them is vital. Positive Parenting is the most effective discipline to stop behaviour problems. Studies show that positive parenting helps to produce happier kids and parents.
Being a parent is a wonderful thing; however, it’s not always easy.
Hopefully, the information in this booklet will show you how you can use techniques to guide, nurture and encourage your child and build your confidence as a parent.
· We want our children to behave well, and to have respect for themselves and others;
· Be polite to others;
· Know how to behave in different situations;
· Be able to concentrate and pay attention;
· Share and to take turns;
· Know how to win and how to lose.
But children often behave quite differently, and we may feel annoyed, frustrated and embarrassed. Kids can be taught to behave well through use of good parenting skills, positive attitudes and general good sense.
This booklet suggests a few ideas to help you with your child’s behaviour.
Parents of teenage children or children with a disability may face additional challenges and pressures, which are not addressed within this booklet. However, there are details of organisations that may be able to help in the contacts section at the back of this booklet
Usual Behavior
Children may:
· Have tantrums;
· Shout and scream;
· Hit siblings, parents, friends;
· Not do as they’re told;
· Break things, spill things, squash things;
· Not listen or concentrate.
This is not unusual. Children are learning what happens when they have a tantrum, hit another child, say rude words.
Children will always push against boundaries. They are checking out what their parents will draw the line at, what they can and can’t do.
This helps them understand what is acceptable and what isn’t.
Parents work out their own ways of looking after their children. There is no simple recipe; it takes time for children to learn how to behave, and for parents to work out the best way of getting the best out of their child.
What makes children behave in challenging ways?
Children do not usually misbehave just to upset or annoy their parents. There is often a reason behind a child’s behaviour.
It may be:
· They are upset or anxious about school;
· They feel jealous of their brother or sister ;
· They want their parent to listen to them;
· They want their parent to spend time with them.
· The child doesn’t know what is expected from him.
· He may not know how to control himself.
· He may not simply care for others.
Behaviour patterns can get stuck. At some point most children will misbehave to get attention. If a parent doesn’t pay much attention when children are behaving well, some children will try ‘acting up’ to get attention, even if it results in a telling off.
Coping Under Pressure
Coping with your child’s misbehaviour can be stressful. Sometimes it can seem like you’re about to reach boiling point.
Parents need to find ways to reduce the pressure in the home and can do a lot to help their child’s behavior through positive parenting.
In fact, parents can make the difference between their child’s behavior getting out of control, and helping them manage everyday life in better ways.
· Plan ahead and be organized
· Identifying the reasons behind the child’s behavior.
· Focus on solutions rather than punishment.
· Providing a secure and consistent environment for children.
· Teaching your child sense of good discipline.
Not Knowing Right from Wrong
Your child learns right from wrong, internalizes your family’s good values, and develops a strong sense of morality that helps him act right even in the face of temptation or without your guidance.
Question: “I found a video game that doesn’t belong to him in my eight-year-old son’s room. I’m positive he stole it from the grocery store. He has everything he wants, so how do I handle it?”
Answer: How parents react to their child’s misbehavior can be destructive or productive in helping him learn right from wrong. Responding appropriately to his wrongdoing makes a parent’s job especially significant when it comes to stretching conscience. Here are my Four R’s of Moral Discipline to help your son learn from his stealing episode. You can also use these four points with almost any misbehavior to help your child understand right from wrong.
1. Respond so as to help the child think through his actions. You might ask, “Explain what happened,” “Why did you do it?” “What made you do it?” “How did you think it would turn out?” “Did it turn out as you had hoped?” “What would you do differently?”
2. Review why the behavior is wrong. You might ask, “Do you think stealing is right or wrong?” “Why shouldn’t you take something from a store or anywhere else?”
“Can you think of other reasons why a kid shouldn’t steal?” “Why do you think I’d be upset?”
3. Reflect on the victim. Help your child imagine what it would be like to be in the victim’s place. “Let’s think about the man who owns the grocery store. How do you think he feels about his property being taken?” “How would you feel if you had to pay for things someone else took from you?”" “Would it be fair if you had to use your salary to pay for it?”
4. Right the wrong to stretch conscience. Brainstorm together a few options that guide your son to right the wrong and return the game because he knows it’s the right thing to do. “You know that what you did was wrong, so let’s think of what you can do to make things right.”
Your goal is to stretch your son’s conscience so that he understands the full impact of his actions, including the victim’s feelings. Moral growth evolves gradually, so don’t expect overnight changes, but instead find simple daily ways to use the Four R’s to boost his moral growth.
My Dear Parents…!!!
We talk of the kids and younger generation. Where will they end?
What about their value system? Before we point a finger at them, let's evaluate who is to blame. We ought to remember that values and virtues are not hereditary, they are learnt. We need to get our priorities right.
Money is not the payoff for every kind of work. Parents bring up the children with no paycheck in mind.
Many people have lots of money but they are very poor. Our objective ought to be both to have money and be rich. When money talks it doesn't always talk sense and truth remains silent.
The most unfortunate part of life is when people plan to get money without earning it. It is easier to make money and harder to keep it.
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. --Helen Keller
Hard work teaches a person the value of money. That is why it is important that parents teach their children this lesson. I feel sorry for the younger generation who inherits money without value. Without lessons and guidance, they often equate everything with money. They think everything can be bought and sold. Of course, this is not true. People who have values have no price tag and neither do they value themselves.
