Your
child learns right from wrong, internalizes your family’s good values, and
develops a strong sense of morality that helps him act right even in the face
of temptation or without your guidance.
Question:
“I found a video game that doesn’t belong to him in my
eight-year-old son’s room. I’m positive he stole it from the grocery store. He
has everything he wants, so how do I handle it?”
Answer:
How parents react to their child’s misbehavior can be
destructive or productive in helping him learn right from wrong. Responding
appropriately to his wrongdoing makes a parent’s job especially significant
when it comes to stretching conscience. Here are my Four R’s of Moral
Discipline to help your son learn from his stealing episode. You can also use
these four points with almost any misbehavior
to help your child understand right from wrong.
1. Respond
so as to help the child think through his actions. You
might ask, “Explain what happened,” “Why did you do it?” “What made you do it?”
“How did you think it would turn out?” “Did it turn out as you had hoped?”
“What would you do differently?”
2. Review
why the behavior is wrong. You might ask, “Do you
think stealing is right or wrong?” “Why shouldn’t you take something from a
store or anywhere else?”
“Can
you think of other reasons why a kid shouldn’t steal?” “Why do you think I’d be
upset?”
3. Reflect
on the victim. Help your child imagine what it would
be like to be in the victim’s place. “Let’s think about the man who owns the
grocery store. How do you think he feels about his property being taken?” “How
would you feel if you had to pay for things someone else took from you?”"
“Would it be fair if you had to use your salary to pay for it?”
4. Right
the wrong to stretch conscience. Brainstorm
together a few options that guide your son to right the wrong and return the
game because he knows it’s the right thing to do. “You know that what you did
was wrong, so let’s think of what you can do to make things right.”
Your
goal is to stretch your son’s conscience so that he understands the full impact
of his actions, including the victim’s feelings. Moral growth evolves
gradually, so don’t expect overnight changes, but instead find simple daily
ways to use the Four R’s to boost his moral growth.
